Lessons, advice & perspectives from my mistakes as a father to challenge you & hold you accountable to becoming the Hero in your family's story, not the Villain.
Monsters Under The Bed
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One night, my 6 year old seemed upset before bed. As I was tucking her in, I asked her what was wrong. “I’m scared," she replied. ”Of what?” I asked, expecting a monster under the bed or a bad dream from last night… ”I’m scared of YOU,” she said, “I’m scared you’re going to yell at me.” This was one of those answers that was so completely unexpected, it almost gave me whiplash. I realized that instead of protecting her from the monsters, I had become the monster… I had been frustrated having trouble fixing the sheets that were falling off her bed. I couldn't get them back on and was getting visibly annoyed. It had NOTHING to do with her. Surely, she should understand that, right? As fathers, we need to remember that our kids are always watching us. And every time we get angry, they look at us and wonder if it's their fault. Even if all logic says otherwise, they are still wondering. (I’d say the same is often true for our wives, too). Add in past instances of lashing out when we're frustrated, and we now become the monster under our kids' beds. As leaders of our family, we must be aware that the way we carry our emotions matters. When you walk in a room upset, your kids look at you and wonder, no matter how illogical: "Is it my fault he's mad?" This is not reason or justification to shove our emotions down inside. That only makes the problem worse. It's a reminder to handle our own emotional baggage before it becomes our kids' burden. Freud said, "Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways." In my case, they came forth in ways that caused my 6 year old daughter to be afraid of the man who should have been her protector. Remember: The only thing more painful than confronting your own demons is watching them be passed down to your children. And the demons we refuse to confront in ourselves are guaranteed to be passed on… If this resonates, you may find the latest episode of our podcast helpful. Listen to Episode 107: What To Say When Your Kids Are Upset. P.S. When you're ready, there are 3 ways that I can help you:
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How To Not Fail As A Father
Lessons, advice & perspectives from my mistakes as a father to challenge you & hold you accountable to becoming the Hero in your family's story, not the Villain.
50% of marriages end in divorce. We’ve all heard this statistic so often that it’s easy to brush off. With repetition, it’s easy to tune it out and not consider the implications. And of those who do think about it, most don’t think it applies to them. I know that when I got married, it certainly didn’t feel like I was gambling on a coin flip… Let’s add some additional info into the mix and present the math a bit differently… Yes, 50% of marriages end in divorce. In the book You Can Be Right...
I just got sidetracked at the grocery store for 20 minutes… I went in for one thing, thinking I’d be in and out quickly. (If you care, I was buying my wife flowers. Want some extra marriage advice? Buy your wife flowers. Like, today. Even just cheap grocery store flowers. I didn’t realize how meaningful this was to my wife, but it makes her happy for days.) As I walked in, I was moving quick: a man on a mission. I was not expecting what I got… When I came to the flower section, there was an...
If you’re still struggling as a dad, it ISN'T because you haven’t read the right book, taken the right class, or watched the right documentary.It’s because you haven’t implemented what you've already learned. Have you ever looked at another dad who seemed to have it all together: happy wife, flourishing kids, successful life and wondered “What’s he got that’s so different than me?”The answer is one single, simple little thing… Guy Kawasaki put it as “Ideas are easy. Implementation is hard.”...